Okay. This month has been a whirlwind. Literally, from January 1st to February 9th, I feel like I have lived a lifetime. The Lord has done so many amazingly beautiful things in my life in the last month and I've been dying to write them all out. I'll try to do my best here, bear with me this could get long.
Starting off: Passion 2012. World = Rocked. Pre-Passion my walk with Christ had been pretty stagnant. School, work, dance and relationships had taken over God's rightful place in my life. I got to Passion knowing I was going to be shaken up but I didn't realize how much.
The Lord showed me a lot at Passion but the main thing was that I don't love Jesus enough. And that hurt me. Bad. I remember being in my hotel room the last night of Passion just balling my eyes out on the phone with my dad telling him how I don't know how to love Jesus enough. And I don't know how to put Him first in my life. I don't know how to be in school and love Jesus. I don't know how to work and love Jesus. I don't know how to make Him enough for me. And my Daddy gave me some of the wisest advice ever. To stop. And ask the Lord to give me the desire to know Him. He reminded me that the Lord was showing me things in my life that needed to change and I should be grateful for that.
Well after crying myself to sleep that night, I did just that. The following week I spent literally every spare moment digging into my Bible. I could not get enough. I read through Ephesians, then Psalms, then some of Matthew. I constantly wanted to be in the Word, soaking up Truth. Because that's all I had at that point. Everyday I prayed, "God, grant me the desire to know You more. Break my heart for what breaks Yours. And give me the wisdom and discernment I need to follow wholeheartedly after You."
Come back to school: World rocked again. New semester. New classes. New job. New schedule. People leaving my life. People coming into my life. Don't know where to turn. Don't know what to do. Don't know how to handle any of this. But guess what? God answered that prayer I prayed every day. He gave me the desire to know Him more. And broke my heart for what breaks His. And gave me wisdom and discernment to know how to follow Him wholeheartedly.
James 4:8a
Draw near to God, and He WILL draw near to you.
Jeremiah 29:13
You will seek me and find me. When you seek me with ALL your heart.
Jeremiah 33:3
Call to Me and I WILL answer you, and will tell you great and hidden things that you have not known.
I knew these verses before this month. But now I BELIEVE them. With all of my heart. Because I cried out to the Lord, and He reached down and rescued me, pulled me in closer to Himself, and gave me a life so breathtakingly beautiful that I sometimes catch my breath thinking about it. He has just overwhelmed me with His goodness. Tonight as I was doing homework I stopped and just thought about Passion and how far the Lord has brought me since then, in just one short month, and started crying. Because I don't deserve this. But I am so so SO thankful that He was not content to leave me where I was a month ago.
Look, when God tells you that He loves you, He means it. Really, really means it. And He WILL NOT change His mind. Not now, not ever. He is GOOD. I wish there were words to describe Him better than that, but that's all I've got. Good, gracious, merciful, wonderful, Savior, Mine. And I am blessed to be His.
So there's just a taste of what's going on in my life. I'm sure there will be more sporadic posts coming soon. But I just had to share some of this incredible journey God's brought me on, that began with tears in a hotel room at Passion a month ago, and is continuing with tears in a dorm room tonight. The greatest part of it all? He's not finished with me yet. :)
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