Freedom in the year of our Lord: Part 2

Alright. This is really late (whoops) but I wanted to talk about my trip to Paris as best I can. It seems that when people ask me how the trip went I can get out words like "amazing" and "life changing" but anything more than that gets caught in my throat. The Lord did some absolutely amazing things in those 10 days of my life.
First, He stretched me. This trip opened my eyes to things I had no idea existed. I did things I've never done before. I spoke Chinese. I held more adorable Asian babies than I can count. I shared the gospel from beginning to end with a woman the church pastor brought me and said, "This is Ching Ching. You share gospel with her." "...Okay." (Pray that her eyes would be opened by the way.)
I prayed with prostitutes. I witnessed human trafficking firsthand. I got engaged to a ten year old who spoke 5 words of English. In the process of all of this, I fell in love with the Chinese people and even more in love with Jesus Christ.
During this week and a half I didn't do anything extraordinary. I simply loved these people the way Jesus loved them. It's so simple I really felt like I hadn't done anything all week. Until one of the church deacons, as he choked back tears, thanked us for coming because through our loving them and wanting nothing in return, they had seen God's love.
One woman in the church named Snow, who I admire greatly, was a huge blessing to me that week. (See pictures.) After a day she was calling me her baby and would come up and give me huge hugs and kisses like my grandmother would. If you could see her worship, especially when singing Amazing Grace, your walk with the Lord would have new life breathed into it. She gave me a Chinese massage one day (weird but so good), and as she did she prayed over me. "Satan out! Pain out! Just Jesus! Jesus come like a river on Alyssa. Come." Most humbling and blessed experience. In addition, her nuggets of wisdom throughout the week always caught me off guard and sank into a thirsty part of my soul. When I asked her what songs we should sing one day, she replied, "I don't know, baby. Ask Him." Mmm. How could I forget? When I told her I was sad to leave she came back with, "Alyssa what you did with the children changed them on the inside. They are different now. You have done good." Even now her words bring me peace.
I miss her. I miss everyone I met. I miss hearing cute Chinese chatter all day long. I miss hugs from little people and being chased and laughed at. I miss being exhausted at the end of each day but at the same time feeling completely fulfilled. I miss being used by God for something greater than myself that only He can take credit for. I miss doing what I know now I was created to do.
Please continue to pray for the Han Chinese people group in Paris and the Chinese all over the world. I know the Lord is going to do something amazing with these people. Also, while you're praying, please lift me up. Pray that the Lord would give me clear direction as to what I'm supposed to do with this passion for the Chinese people that He's given me. But above all, pray that He would be glorified. In all things.
I'll be posting more specific stories (hopefully) soon. Thank you to everyone who made this experience possible for me and lifted me up in prayer while I was gone! It means more than you realize and way more than I can convey in a blog post. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Freedom in the year of our Lord.

In 6 days I will be boarding a plane for Paris, France! I am beyond excited. But I'm getting ahead of myself. First, you need some background.
Let me start off by saying that from a very young age I have been obsessed with Asian children. I know that sounds weird, just hang with me. I think they are the cutest things on the face of the earth - I am just drawn to them! If I'm in a group of kids and there's one that's asian, you bet they'll be my favorite. It's come to the point that my family and friends will even point them out to me when we see them in public. They're just so cute! The only explanation I can come up with is that the Lord decided to give me a special heart for them.
Next thing: I have always wanted to go to Paris. My room has been decked out in eiffel tower decor for years. So much so that now when I bring stuff to school my roommates go, "Really? MORE Paris stuff?" Yeah. More. I've always wanted to go so bad.
Next thing: The Lord used Passion conferences this year to open my eyes up to the horrors of human trafficking. As I sat in session after session hearing about modern day slavery I felt the impression that I needed to do more. More than give money. More than pray. I needed to DO something. I didn't know what. So I asked the Lord to reveal that to me in His time.
Shortly after Passion, I felt the need to pray for China. I had no idea why. It just kept coming up. I would meet international students from China, hear about it in random conversations, hear about trips that my friends were going on to China. It was everywhere. So I just prayed.
In February I went back home to work my home-church's Disciple Now weekend. Before our last night session I told my girls, "Hey. Let's pray for China. I don't know why, and you probably think I'm crazy, but let's pray for China today." Thankfully, they agreed and prayed with me.
That night during the session the Lord blew me away with His power. All weekend at the D-now we had been doing a spin-off of Passion, educating the kids about human trafficking and raising money for a project to help the victims. That night, they showed a video explaining what the money was going towards.
My dad is the missions pastor at my home-church and his face filled the screen that night. I knew he was currently in Paris, France planning a mission trip but I didn't know the details. I started crying as he shared that he was in Paris planning a trip to help the Hahn Chinese people group that has migrated to Paris, France. A lot of them are living terrible lives in China, and are promised by the mafia that if they pay them money and move to France they will have a better life there. Once they arrive, the men are forced to work in restaurants, the women are forced into prostitution and the kids are often neglected or forced to work as well until the family pays off their "debt". The debt does not exist. They are slaves.
Tears streamed down my cheeks as I realized that as I was praying for the people of China, I was praying for the people my dad was in contact with that week. I ran over to my girls after the service who immediately started freaaaaking out the same way I was with several exclamations of, "IT WAS CHINA! WHAT THE HECK?!?" I love when God blows our minds with how He orchestrates things. I think he sits back and laughs as we see how He's carried us to this point.
With all that said, I had only 2 weeks available the whole summer as I had already committed to work and be a part of my dance team's camps this summer. I called my dad to find out when the trip was, praying, "Okay God, if you want me to go on this trip, it's gonna have to be one of these." And guess what? It was option 1 of 2. My plans < God's.
With alllll of that said, in 6 days I will be boarding a plane for Paris, France! I am beyond excited. My dad and our team will be working with a church plant that has started in an apartment in China Town, Paris. We will be having VBS for the kids in the mornings, training the church leaders in the afternoons and having an outreach service for all the people we can squeeze into our limited space each evening. I am so excited to get to love on so many precious asian babies and speak truth into the lives of these people. Even though they are physically not free, I pray that they would become spiritually free through  the power of Christ.
 Frederick Buechner writes, "The place God calls us to is the place where your deep gladness and the world's deep hunger meet." I am absolutely blown away at the way the Lord has orchestrated petty desires of mine like wanting to travel to Paris and combined them with His work. Please pray for me as I go to "bring good news to the poor, bind up the brokenhearted, and proclaim freedom for the captives in the year of our Lord." (Isaiah 61:1). I know God's got something big planned, can't wait to share it when I get back!

She is clothed with strength and dignity.

I just finished reading "So long, Insecurity" by Beth Moore. I had never read anything by her before and I went in expecting great things from it. What I didn't expect was for the Lord to reveal almost a half a journal's worth of insight. But He DID. And man am I thankful.
Let me start off by saying that I am loving being at a point in my relationship with Christ where He can nit pick at the details of my life. He is showing me so many little things that have such great impact on my life and circle of influence.
"I am the true Vine, and my Father is the Vine Dresser. Every branch of mine that does not bear fruit He takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit He prunes, that it may bear more fruit."
 ~John 15:1-2
When we bear fruit, Christ is glorified. When he removes strongholds or sin patterns from our lives, we are able to bear even more fruit. That part of us is now free and surrendered to Christ, and there is room to bear more fruit. Praise the Lord that He is pruning me into who He's called me to be!
Now that that little rabbit trail's done...
I did not realize how many decisions I've made, foolish actions I've performed or even relationships I've entered into were because of my insecurity. It is the root of so many things that I regret, and at the very bottom of all of my greatest fears. Through this book I have had so many "aha!" moments where I realize why I did this or that and why I seek out this and that. I have had so many tearful, joyous conversations with sweet friends throughout this book where I get to go, "Oh my gosh! I had no idea! How cool is this?!" Blessed, ya'll. So so blessed.
When we act out of insecurity, a lot of time we lose our dignity. We feel weak.
Proverbs 31:25 (the theme verse for this book) says that we are clothed with strength and dignity and have no fear of the future. The Lord your God has clothed you with strength and dignity, without any fear of the future. No one can take what the Lord has granted. He has clothed you. Walk in that.
I wish I could share every single one of my sweet revelations but let's face it: Ya'll would stop reading after the 10th page. So I'll close with the most recent one.
At the end of the book, Beth Moore shares that every insecurity is a fear. During her prayer time, she felt led to share every one of her greatest fears with the Lord. Then He said, "Okay. So let's say that happens." What would happen if my greatest fears became realities? The same thing that happens every single time I've walked through a valley. I hurt, I cry, I figure out a way to deal with it, and eventually, by the grace of God, I heal. And no matter what, God is still God at the end of it. 
"We agonize over how we'll possibly make it, yet all the while we can glance over our shoulders and see where God has carried us." ~Beth Moore.
We tend to trust God if x and y happen. Not trust Him period. I love this quote from Louie Giglio, "Believe that God is working for your good and His glory." Trust Him. Period. Trust Him, even if all of your worst fears become realities.  Don't all of your fears seem absolutely ridiculous now? Mine do. Because at the end of it all, God is God and He is good.

Proverbs 31:25
She is clothed with strength and dignity;
and laughs without any fear of the future.

Quit trying so hard and come to Me.

I am done with my first year of college! This year has been amazing, and the best of my life hands down, and I'm sad to see it end. I can't believe how much I've changed and grown, and I'm also so thankful for all that the Lord has revealed to me in this year. It may not seem that different, but to me I feel that the beginning of this summer is the start of a new era in my life. Soon I'll be moving into a cute yellow townhome with 6 other girls who love the Lord, I have a job in an office where I have to dress business casual and use excel every 5 minutes, I will serve as an officer on my college dance team for the next season (eep!), and last night my best friend since junior high got engaged. (Maid of honor, what up!) All of these things just seem so adult to me. It's crazy.
These last few weeks have been a struggle for me. I've felt like I was on auto-pilot. Just trying to get through each day until the semester was over and focus on what's next. Complacency and apathy began to take root in my heart and mind. I began to focus more on what I was doing rather than what the Lord desired for me in each moment.
"Her goal in life had somehow gone from loving God to trying to make Him proud of her." ~Robin Gunn
I read this quote in a novel today and BAM! God put in me in my place. It was as if He wrapped His arms around me and said, "Look. That's your problem. Right there. Quit focusing on what YOU can do and focus on ME. I am ALL you need." Mmm. He is so unbelievably good to me! I don't even know what my problem is, and He is faithful enough to point it out to me and bring me to a place of breathtaking peace. His ways are higher. His will is greater. Bottom line: He is better!
Please take the time to listen to this song, the truth of these lyrics has been resounding in my heart and mind for the last week or so and today, I am clinging to these words. Sit back and let the truth wash over you. He is all you need!

Draw near, because He is GOOD.

Okay. This month has been a whirlwind. Literally, from January 1st to February 9th, I feel like I have lived a lifetime. The Lord has done so many amazingly beautiful things in my life in the last month and I've been dying to write them all out. I'll try to do my best here, bear with me this could get long.

Starting off: Passion 2012. World = Rocked. Pre-Passion my walk with Christ had been pretty stagnant. School, work, dance and relationships had taken over God's rightful place in my life. I got to Passion knowing I was going to be shaken up but I didn't realize how much.
The Lord showed me a lot at Passion but the main thing was that I don't love Jesus enough. And that hurt me. Bad. I remember being in my hotel room the last night of Passion just balling my eyes out on the phone with my dad telling him how I don't know how to love Jesus enough. And I don't know how to put Him first in my life. I don't know how to be in school and love Jesus. I don't know how to work and love Jesus. I don't know how to make Him enough for me. And my Daddy gave me some of the wisest advice ever. To stop. And ask the Lord to give me the desire to know Him. He reminded me that the Lord was showing me things in my life that needed to change and I should be grateful for that.

Well after crying myself to sleep that night, I did just that. The following week I spent literally every spare moment digging into my Bible. I could not get enough. I read through Ephesians, then Psalms, then some of Matthew. I constantly wanted to be in the Word, soaking up Truth. Because that's all I had at that point. Everyday I prayed, "God, grant me the desire to know You more. Break my heart for what breaks Yours. And give me the wisdom and discernment I need to follow wholeheartedly after You."
Come back to school: World rocked again. New semester. New classes. New job. New schedule. People leaving my life. People coming into my life. Don't know where to turn. Don't know what to do. Don't know how to handle any of this. But guess what? God answered that prayer I prayed every day. He gave me the desire to know Him more. And broke my heart for what breaks His. And gave me wisdom and discernment to know how to follow Him wholeheartedly.
James 4:8a
Draw near to God, and He WILL draw near to you.


Jeremiah 29:13 
You will seek me and find me. When you seek me with ALL your heart.


Jeremiah 33:3 
Call to Me and I WILL answer you, and will tell you great and hidden things that you have not known.


I knew these verses before this month. But now I BELIEVE them. With all of my heart. Because I cried out to the Lord, and He reached down and rescued me, pulled me in closer to Himself, and gave me a life so breathtakingly beautiful that I sometimes catch my breath thinking about it. He has just overwhelmed me with His goodness. Tonight as I was doing homework I stopped and just thought about Passion and how far the Lord has brought me since then, in just one short month, and started crying. Because I don't deserve this. But I am so so SO thankful that He was not content to leave me where I was a month ago.
Look, when God tells you that He loves you, He means it. Really, really means it. And He WILL NOT change His mind. Not now, not ever. He is GOOD. I wish there were words to describe Him better than that, but that's all I've got. Good, gracious, merciful, wonderful, Savior, Mine. And I am blessed to be His.
So there's just a taste of what's going on in my life. I'm sure there will be more sporadic posts coming soon. But I just had to share some of this incredible journey God's brought me on, that began with tears in a hotel room at Passion a month ago, and is continuing with tears in a dorm room tonight. The greatest part of it all? He's not finished with me yet. :)

Astronomical Grace

Well, the plan to blog once a month has obviously failed during the craziness of October and November. But thank goodness for time off in December! I recently read Indescribable by Louie Giglio and Matt Redman. It covers the wonder of creation in the Universe - sun, moon, & stars - and how all of these reflect the glory and majesty of the One who made them. Before this, I had never even considered how vast the Universe truly is. I am now absolutely blown away by how great and powerful our God is.
For example, did you know that there are way more than 7 billion stars in just one arm of the Milky Way Galaxy?
Or that there is a star named VY Canis Majoris that is SO huge you could fit seven quadrillion earths inside of it? That's enough Earths, if Earth were a golf ball, to cover the entire state of Texas in golf balls - two feet deep. Think that's a big deal?!? Hang on!
Psalms 33:6 says, "By the word of the Lord the heavens were made, and by the breath of his mouth all their host." Did you catch that? God breathes out stars that big! Oh. My. Lanta. Now for the really crazy part.
Out of all of this giant Universe, God chose you. All of creation reflects His glory but He chose you to be created in His image, to be stamped with His divinity, to make His name famous and to reflect His love and grace to a broken world. WOAH. I am blown away by the crazy love and astronomical grace of my Savior. He is SO good. Run to Him. Worship Him in wonder. Give your life to Him and reflect His glory as the Moon reflects the Sun. He deserves it. And He is worth it. Trust me.

Break Through Those Walls.

Alright, starting off my 6th week here at good 'ol DBU (Can you believe it?!?) with a heavy blog post. This has been on my list of things to write about for about 5 weeks - so bear with me as I dish all of this out. It's worth reading to the end - trust me.
For as long as I can remember, I've struggled with 3 main things: Pride, Trust, & Anxiety. These things trip me up SO bad in my walk with Christ. I can't tell you how many journal entries I have dedicated to my struggle with trusting the Lord, relying on myself, and worrying about the future. It's seriously ridiculous. My first week of school here, I really dug into why I am the way that I am. I really examined my past and tried to figure out where all of these issues stem from. It hurt to find the answers - but I'm thankful that I found them. I'd been hanging on to some hurts for a while. And I didn't want to let go of them. There was a night where I spent before the Lord just upset. Why couldn't I beat this? Why is it so hard for me to trust? Why can't I just get the heck over myself and surrender to His will? I was messed up, ya'll. All I could do was pray. And I asked others to do the same. Fast forward a few days.
School starts, and I'm enrolled in a class about Christian Leadership. Basically we discuss qualities of a good Christian leader and what could hinder us from that. Day 2 of class's subject: Pride, anxiety, and trust. It was then that I realized that all of my issues were linked together.
Here's how my teacher explained this truth that completely shattered my world. Pride is any kind of focus on yourself - negative or positive. A lot of people think that humility is thinking less of yourself, but it's not. It's think of yourself LESS.
1 Peter 5:6-7
Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time He may exalt you, casting ALL your anxieties on Him, because He cares for you.
Here's the breakdown: Any fear, stress, worry, is a trap from Satan making you ineffective. When you keep your anxieties to yourself, you're saying you don't trust God to handle them. We think WE can do it on our own. Hey! That's pride! Worry is also a sign of distrust. If we're anxious about something - we are NOT trusting it to God. Therefore, bringing us back to our prideful assumption that we can handle it and He can't. Wooh! Truth. So we have to humble ourselves and realize that we're not strong enough to handle our anxiety and give all of our fears, worries, issues to HIM. And at the proper time, meaning Heaven, we will be rewarded for the lives that we lived in total surrender to an Almighty God.
This truth right here, has literally SET ME FREE! The Lord is faithful!
Philippians 4:6-7
Do not be anxious about ANYTHING, but in EVERYTHING by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the PEACE of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." 
Let me close by saying how thankful I am the Lord has brought me to DBU. He is working in my life and changing me from the inside out IN CLASS. How crazy is that?!? I love it here and I can't wait to see what the next 6 weeks will hold. Pray for strength, endurance, and energy for me, as my schedule is  level 10 crazy. Thanks so much for reading this!
Alyssa